Mom and Dad

Barb Phillips

Lila Ashby

Arlyn Fisk

Stan Fisk

Mike Preslar

Debbie Tarr

Randy Ashby

Jerry Ashby

Danny Ashby

Jack Ashby

Dale Fisk

Dana Kellerman

Venus Zook

Mandy Miller

Sweet Evie

Luna Belle

Onion Soup


Odds & Ends

Trivial Stuff

The following is from a poster given to me by my good friend Rick Bremmerman. Copyright 1984 by Celestial Arts.

Canada Bill Jone's Motto:

It is morally wrong to let naive end users keep their money

Murphy Never Would Have Used One Murphy Would Have Loved Them
Dove's Theorem:

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

The Last One's Law of Program Generators:

A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.

Brook's Law:

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Meskimen's Law:

There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

Murphy's Fourth Law:

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Cann's Axiom:

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:

Things get worse under pressure.

Clark's Third Law:

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic

90-90 Rule of Project Schedules:

The first 90 percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

Deadline Dan's Demo Demonstration:

The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one

Nixon's Theorem:

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Deadline Dan's Demon:

Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If you double the time you think it will take, it will actually takes four times as long.

Nolan's Placebo:

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Demian's Observation:

There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".

Osborn's Law:

Variables won't, constants aren't.

Dr. Caligari's Come-Back:

A bad sector disk error only occurs after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.

O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:

Murphy was an optimist.

Estridge's Law:

No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.

Peer's Law:

The solution to a problem changes the problem.

Finagle's Rules:

1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

2) Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.

3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.

4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

5) Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

6) Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

Rhode's Corollary to Hoare's Law:

Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free.

Franklin's Rule:

Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.

Robert E. Lee's Truce:

Judgement comes from experience; Experience comes from poor judgement.

Gilb's Laws of Unreliability:

1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

3) Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some work done.

Sattinger's Law:

It works better if you plug it in.

Gummidge's Law:

The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Shaw's Principle:

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

Harp's Corollary to Hoare's Law:

Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.

Snafu Equations:

1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N + 1 unknowns.

2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.

3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.

4) Interchangeable devices won't.

5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.

6) Badness comes in waves.

Heller's Law:

The first myth of management is that it exists.

Thoreau's Theories of Adaptation:

1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure.

2) After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" is taken away, and you're left with a useless routine.

3) Efforts in improving a program's "user-friendliness" invariably lead to work in improving user's "compuetr literacy".

4) That's not a "bug", that's a "feature"!

Hind's Laws of Computer Programming:

1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

5) The value of a program is proportional to the wieght of its output.

6) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in Engllish, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

Weinberg's Corollary:

An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Hoare's Law of Large Programs:

Inside every program is a small program struggling to get out.

Weinberg's Law:

If builders built building the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Wood's Axiom:

As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.